Helen Keller Meets Classic Jokes

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Helen Keller Meets Classic Jokes

Postby Tarsier » 28 Jul 2018, 02:10

Just to annoy my wife the other day, I started making up Helen Keller jokes to fit the set-up of classic corny jokes. I'll list a few, but hope others will join in. The only rule is you have to make up a brand new joke, not a Helen Keller joke you found elsewhere. I don't promise all of these are as hilarious as they are in my mind:

Why did Helen Keller cross the road? She was done watching TV for the night and wanted to head off to bed.

How many Helen Kellers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Not sure, but why is there a pear in that light socket? Or ...
How many Helen Kellers does it take to change that burned-out lightbulb? She claims she changed it an hour ago.

Here's a Helen Keller knock-knock joke. Knock-knock. Whose there? (Sigh) Knock-knock. Who is there? (Deeper sigh) KNOCK-KNOCK! Or ...
The other guy has to start this one. Knock-knock. Whose there? Helen Keller. Fine, Helen, but why are you rapping on the refrigerator like that?

A priest, a rabbi and Helen Keller walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Father, are you and Rabbi Steinman with this lady washing her hands under the Guinness tap?

Why doesn't Chuck Norris tell Helen Keller jokes? Because he's a gentleman and those jokes are insensitive.

What about for these or others?

What is black and white and red all over?
Helen Keller's mom is so fat ...
Why did the dumb blonde learn sign language and braille?
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Re: Helen Keller Meets Classic Jokes

Postby asudevil » 28 Jul 2018, 02:17

My favorite one...

Is why is Hellen Keller a bad driver
It's cause she's a woman.
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Re: Helen Keller Meets Classic Jokes

Postby Tarsier » 28 Jul 2018, 02:18

asudevil wrote:My favorite one...

Is why is Hellen Keller a bad driver
It's cause she's a woman.


Yes, a good one, but you have to make up NEW ones, Asudevil! Let's get that devilish wit going!
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Re: Helen Keller Meets Classic Jokes

Postby Tarsier » 28 Jul 2018, 04:01

No takers? Come on, folks ...

How about:

What's grosser than gross? Infant Helen Keller trying to nurse off her mom's colostomy bag.

Helen Keller's mom is so dumb that Helen always beats her in Name that Tune.
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Re: Helen Keller Meets Classic Jokes

Postby asudevil » 28 Jul 2018, 05:13

Tarsier wrote:
asudevil wrote:My favorite one...

Is why is Hellen Keller a bad driver
It's cause she's a woman.


Yes, a good one, but you have to make up NEW ones, Asudevil! Let's get that devilish wit going!


Nope...just like the classics..
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Re: Helen Keller Meets Classic Jokes

Postby beadsman » 28 Jul 2018, 07:28

Okay, this one might be a bit obscure, but here goes anyway...

What is Helen Keller's favorite song?
John Cage's 4'33"
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Re: Helen Keller Meets Classic Jokes

Postby Jack007 » 28 Jul 2018, 08:45

The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.

Helen Keller

:(
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Re: Helen Keller Meets Classic Jokes

Postby sinnybee » 28 Jul 2018, 09:06

Ummmm, these got a bit vicious lol, sorry asu...
I guess I sometimes get a bit of revenge if there is a joke on women :P
asudevil wrote:My favorite one...

Is why is Hellen Keller a bad driver
It's cause she's a woman.

Why did asudevil spell Helen's first name with two "l"s?
Because even though asudevil is a teacher, he knows that Helen has twice as much useful learning in her head.

How is asudevil Helen Keller's opposite?
The lights are on but nobody’s home.

How can you tell that Helen Keller is signing?
Her hands are moving and raised and hard (to read, due to her speed at signing).
How can you tell that asudevil is declining?
His devil's pitchfork is still and lowered and soft.

When Helen Keller and asudevil went in matching outfits to the costume party, why did she have asudevil walk in front of her?
So that she would have an excuse to hurt him by poking him with her devil's pitchfork that she was using as a walking stick.

After their date at the costume party, what does it mean when asudevil is in Helen Keller's bed gasping for breath and calling her name?
She didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.
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Re: Helen Keller Meets Classic Jokes

Postby Tarsier » 28 Jul 2018, 19:56

Why was Helen Keller's mouth bleeding? She was snacking on a pear.

If you don't get it, read the original post.
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Re: Helen Keller Meets Classic Jokes

Postby TheCraw » 08 Sep 2019, 17:42

What did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well?
Screamed her hands off.
Very clever, Mr. Smart...
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